Welcome to the World of Fandom
by nisu-chan025
Summary: Where some of the Naruto cast ends up in our world of reality."Geez, mass murderers and their stupid pride.""Pride? What pride?""Sakura, don't tempt men who were deprived of sex for years. On second thought, continue. We can earn a good amount of money from your sex videos.""EH!""Well Sakura-chan, you heard her, let's get to work.""STAY AWAY FROM ME!" May my house survive...
1. Awaiting Disaster

**Hello! This is my first Naruto fanfic so I hope you won't be too harsh. I don't even have a beta for this story O_O **

**Disclaimer: ...I wouldn't be doing all of this if I DID own Naruto people... TTATT**

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_**Welcome to the World of Fandom**_

**Prologue:**

School is...driving me insane.. No, scratch that, _college life _is downright psychotic! My schedule this semester is _all_ messed up, not to mention that some of my professors have a few screws lose as well. Or at least, that's what they seem to me. And I haven't had any decent sleep since I don't know when and I can't even focus on my studies properly. Then again, the latter is probably mostly my fault since whenever I have work to do, my phone is glued to my hand as I read my daily dose of fanfictions. Believe me when I say that can't remain sane when I don't overdose in reading, thing end up bad. Really bad.

I used to be a caveman shipper of SasuSaku for the past few years that I've known Naruto (**A/N**: which sooner led me to discover Noctis x Lightning but that, my friends, is a story of another time) but now I have also become a strong wor-shipper ( I only _worship __**God**_, and yes, there's a difference! Don't you dare say otherwise!) of AkaSaku and GaaSaku! My absolute favorite Akatsuki x Sakura pair is definitely Sasor x Sakura~! Funny thing is though, the very fist Naruto Shippuuden episode that I ever watched was the fight between these two! Now that is what I call _destiny!_

And believe it or not, I've read through _all_ the list of Akatsuki x Sakura and Sasori x Sakura fanfics in English that there is in . Or at least, the ones that I happen to find interesting. I like what I see in the summary, I read it. I only stop by them again to see if there are any new good stories or if there are any updates for the unfinished ones that I happen to take a liking to.

As of now, I am scouring through M rated Gaara x Sakura fanfics out there in the list that I can actually understand. I'm planning on checking out all fanfics form page 1 all the way to the very end of the list, just like what I've done to the Sasori x Sakura and the Akatsuki x Sakura ones! I would have done the same for Sasuke x Sakura fanfics a long time ago but honestly, have you _seen_ that list?! And that's not even a generalized rated list! It was just the M rated ones! I wouldn't be able to finish that list even if my life depended on it! Although the inner evilness that resides within my person demands that I only read the dark M rated ones out there but please keep that little info between us will you? People here at school don't really need to know about that now do they? My dark romance fetish shall forever remain between us, claro? That reminds me... I am so sorry for enjoying your pain Sakura! Please forgive me! I will always love you!

Ahem, anyways, here I am once again, reading one fanfic after the other like my life depended on it. Actually, it's my sanity that depends on it. Then again, every time something I like or hate happens in the story, I squeal like a school girl in love or have smoke practically coming out of my nostrils so I suppose I shouldn't worry too much about how some(most) people judge my sanity. I study Multimedia Arts and Sciences so I have come up with the perfect response when they ask me questions regarding my mental stability:

"All artists have quite a few screws lose and that is what makes our art beautiful and unique in many ways."

Clever, no? I'm so proud of myself for coming up with this reply—courtesy of Deidara and Sasori! They inspired my answer! Speaking of them, I'm sorry Deidara but I have to side with Sasori's principle regarding art! Art is eternal beauty! But you're still cute and when it comes to the battle of personality, you win hands down! In the many fanfics that I've read, it's always either Hidan or Deidara and more often that not,_both_, who are the comical relief of the story. It's always quite entertaining to see Deidara in his "Imma blow you up to the next dimension, un!" mode while Hidan does is "I'm gonna sacrifice your mother fucking ass to Jashin-sama, BITCH!" and all those other good stuff.

Oh man, the fanfics are really starting to get to me.

Now I'meven daydreaming where there was this sudden white light in the sky and all the Naruto casts fell on different directions and to my sheer happiness, the Akatsuki, Madara and Gaara (though my spirit came crashing down when I didn't see Sakura TTATT) fall on the school's grounds! And one of them even fell on top of me and I could have sworn he/she broke something there. When I was about to ask a friend for help, she was no where within sight range(TRAITOR!).

No surprises there actually. After all, the people who help you the moment you need the are called your _friends_; the people who laugh at you before—and more often than not, not at all—they even bother to help you are called your _best friends_.

Ahhh, it was such an awesome daydream. In fact, it all feels so real that I can actually _feel_ the wight on my back and the hard cemented ground beneath me. I can even hear Hidan scream "WOOOHOOO! Bitch on bitch man!"

It all feels so real that when I took the hand that offered to help me up once the person on my back got off, the owner of said hand looked exactly like Konan.

"Hahahaha, oh man. I really need to stop daydreaming all the time. For a second there I actually thought you really were Konan of the Akatsuki!" I said sheepishly after I thanked her, I scratched the back of my neck thinking _'Okay, I usually come back to rash reality sooner than this so __**why**__ am I still having the illusion of seeing these guys?'_

The woman tilted her head ever so lightly, her eyes showing the tiniest hint of confusion, "I _am _Konan of the Akatsuki, you're not daydreaming right now. How do you even know my name, young lady?"

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..._"__**WHAT?!"**_

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**Well, that's a wrap for now! And worry not! Saku-chan will appear in the next chappie in the least expected place! Or maybe not... **

**Anyways, review please! I need some motivation! I wanna know if you liked it or not...**


	2. Disaster I

**girlpowerFTW: Okay people, this is where Sakura makes her first appearance! Yay! And just so you know, this story is told by the author's point of view, also known as me. But worry not, I'm not a fangirl of any of the guys so you can rest assured that this will be purely an Akatsuki x Sakura with a touch of Gaara x Sakura.**

**Hidan: Now that's fucking unfair you bitch! It's in the AkaSaku section damn it! **

**girlpoweFTW: … In case, just in case, you haven't noticed, there are only two options that I can choose of when it comes to the characters that will be involved. If there was a third then there wouldn't be a problem now would there? Now why don't we all just get on with the story? Somebody do the disclaimer or else I'm making not making Kura-chan end up with any one of you!**

**Hidan: Bitch doesn't own us! If she did, she wouldn't even bother making this fucking story!**

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**Disaster I:**

"**Inside Hiruko and Meet my Babies"**

My mind is like a man's shangri-la (no offense, fellow human species but of the different gender). A room where you can't even see the floor anymore. Then again, can you blame me? Anime. Characters. Here. Now.

I contemplated on using my handy little teargas on myself but decided not to pursue the thought just in case this isn't one of my wild daydreams. From what I've heard, they're pretty darn painful, and that the effects are long lasting. So I settled on stomping on my own foot and man did it hurt. So this was reality then. I suddenly feel very relieved that the original plan of using my own teargas on myself wasn't commenced. Not only will I suffer the painfulness of it all, I would look stupid too. I'm not sure how long I froze after my little outburst but I guess it was a few minutes since Konan was showing the slightest hint of impatience, and that's saying something.

I shook my head, trying to push down the urge to jump her(not in _that_ sense), "I'm sorry, I'm just in shock is all. I mean, it's not everyday that I see anime characters come to life but still look like they do in the series. Thanks heavens for that," I applaud myself, I actually sound calmer that I really am.

From the corner of my eye, I saw a slight movement and when I turned to it, my blood went cold. Madara. Oh man, dead man walking(if you play Defense of the Ancients from Warcraft III: The Frozen throne, you'll know who I quoted there. Yeah, I play. So what?!) And not only him, the entire Akatsuki are here too. I see dead people (there it is again). Oooooh, Sakura is going to flip once she sees Sasori, alive and living with that bored expression glued to his face like a leech. And I'm not sure if the staff of my school will appreciate an all out battle to the death here in school grounds or anywhere near the vicinity at all. Not to mention, I'm not surprised that a lot of student have gathered here looking in awe at them. Most of these guys probably skipped class! No one can blame them though, like I said, it's not everyday you get to see the real characters right infront of your very eyes.

I couldn't resist asking one question though, "Aren't more that half of you guys supposed to be six feet underground or something?" the rudeness in my tone will probably get me killed but hey, if it all comes down to it I have the perfect weapon against these guys that will forever render them useless: my _eraser_(hey, if they really are anime characters, then they're just drawings right? Right?!)

"Yes, most of us _are_ supposed to be dead, but how do you know about that?" came Kakuzu's gruff voice.

I shrugged, trying to ignore that my animal instincts that telling me to run for dear life, "I watch you people try and kill each other on a daily basis for the purpose of entertainment. And I'm not the only one, mind you."

There was a really awkward silence after that and I just couldn't help but say, "You know, they say that whenever there's an awkward silence like this, a gay baby is being born. Not that I have anything against homosexuals though, I actually like them."

"HOLY SHIT! Someone keep talking! I don't want another fucking Deidara around!"

"Shut up, un! I ain't gay!"

"Both of you, enough. You're both homosexuals!"

"Shut (the fuck) up fish breath (UN)!"

Ah yes, this happens more often than not in most of the fanfictions I've read where the Akatsuki are around. Actually, it happens all the time. Now I have a front view seat to the show and I'm not entirely sure whether that's a good thing or a bad thing...most likely both... Another thought struck me. If all the Akatsuki are here, then that means...yup, Itachi's here alright. His fangirl I am not, I only favored him most because he's the older brother that I've always wanted to have. But there's just simply no way that a first born can ever have an older brother right? Sigh, I sound like a senile old woman don't I?

"What do you mean 'I watch you try and kill each other on a daily basis for the sake of entertainment'?" I heard Kakuzu ask.

"Actually, I said 'purpose', not 'sake'" –maybe if I try to ignore the glare that Kakuzu sent me, it will actually work..." –but that's not the point here. Anyways, the best way to explain all that statement of mine means is by showing you...and the reason behind why that's the way people look at you the way they do. Unnerving isn't it?"

Honestly, I wonder if the fall they went through caused some sort of damage in their way of thinking, cause if they did...well, things won't end pretty well for our world now would it? And this is so unfair because it's usually Sakura who goes through these kinda of situations. I'm never going to look at those fanfictions the same way again.

"Seeing as we are currently in a place where we're not supposed to be, we might as well find a temporary place to stat in. Kakuzu?" came Pein's ever so commanding voice.

The serving treasurer of the Akatsuki went and grudgingly checked the multiple pockets the head in his cloak. And when his eyebrows nearly became one fine line of hair as he started to check his other hidden pockets. I suddenly have a very good guess where this will all end up...

After a few more seconds of scanning every possible—and impossible—places for hiding hid beloved money, the masked dude finally looked up, "Something's not right. They're not where they're supposed to be."

Translation: "Crazy as it sounds I haven't even a single dime in my body."

On cue, their eyes all turned to the one person that they've been (barely) acquainted with. I knew it... "My brothers will actually be jumping to the next dimension out of sheer happiness when they even catch a glimpse of your cloaks. You guys are pretty well known across all countries in this world you know. Plus, as a fan myself, I would be more than happy to take you guys in." Come on, not everyone gets this opportunity! Tell me if you guys are gonna tell them no!

Suddenly remembering my situation, I did the thing I should have done the second I realized that these people were from my favourite anime. I took the prettiest empty notebook that I had in my bag, took a pink pen(since it was the only color I had other than the cliché black, blue and red that I have in my case) and went over to the nearest one of them that I could reach—which just so happened to be Konan, "Can I have your autograph please?"

And so, that, my friends, is how all hell broke lose. The people who had apparently forsaken their classes came rushing to any character who happened to be the closest within their reach, hands holding a pen and notebook, asking for autographs. The second Konan finished (although she looked unsure like she was asking herself what she was doing and why exactly was she doing what she's doing) signing my notebook, I gave my thanks and ran like I was a goose on a wild goose chase. Fans can be terrifying, especially when they have the power of numbers, you can't mess with people who probably aren't even thinking rationally. Believe me I've seen what it can do via television and it is _not_ pretty I'll have you know. But that's one of the two little reasons I have for running away like a mad man, the other was that most of these people just happened to be twice, thrice and some even four time my size(the last one mostly applies to the weight category...) and could easily crush my little Sakura height self. I have no intentions of having being squashed by people as my cause of death you know. But the main reason is that I want to read my beloved fanfictions somewhere else. I went to the second floor of the South Building, where my first class will be and where the internet connection is really AWESOME. Now, onto my conquest of reading all M rated Gaara x Sakura that catches my interest. I shall stop at nothing until I've read all the way to the last of the list!

Since everyone is so busy outside, no one was nearby therefore no one would hear me cackle evilly like some mad scientist each and every time I happen to come across some good dark Gaara x Sakura fics, like what I have done with the Akatsuki x Sakura and the Sasori x Sakura fanfcs. I sure hope nobody would be able to hear and find me in my state of …instability...that would be just plain mortifying. Speaking of Sakura though, I'll have to make sure to find her once I gt the time. Wait...now that I think about it, something was obviously off with Gaara and Sasori when I saw them earlier. They were glaring holes in each other's skulls and looked like they were communticating through their eyes alone. The creepiest part of that little scene back then, was that Sasori looke like he was protecting "_**Hiruko"**_(which is surprisingly still in one piece, Sasori really knows how to fix things desn't he? There wasn't even a scratch in that thing!).

Shuddering from the creepiness of the thought, I tried to once again distract myself by reading some more fanfictions. They always did work wonders for me, why change something that worked?

An hour passed by and I'm not really surprised that not even the professor was around. I mean, if you go down there it's like a war zone, you can't even see the floor anymore! Heh, goes to show you, not everyone is what they appear to be.

Since classes probably won't even be continued with all these racket going on, might as well get myself some lunch then maybe go home after that. Getting me some take-outs (like I always do) and deciding to once again eat in the hallways(have you ever tried doing that? It's surprisingly fun!). Before I did go back to my usual spot, I turned to see what _they_ have been up to. Apparently, seeing as they were all high above one of the trees around, it's either they probably can't use their jutsu pretty well here or they're just too lazy to do anything with any effort...most likely the latter. Once again, I was scared witless by the sight of Sasori smirking at Gaara as he laid his back on Hiruko and the other red head looked like he was out for blood. The others were no help at all, in fact, most of them looked like they were enjoying the scene! Oh the sheer creepiness of it all...

"Hey Sasori! Gaara looks like he's about to kill you any second now! It's almost as if you're hiding someone inside Hiruko or something!" I laughed, not even taking myself seriously. Heck, I'm not even sure if anyone even heard me above all this noise.

Everyone in the tree froze, and after them, the crowd below.

...Did I hit a mark? Just then, there was suddenly a knocking sound and Hiruko shook violently behind Sasori. Gaara's glare intensified ten fold.

"...Someone really is in there..."

From where I stand, could faintly hear Gaara say "You filthy scum...playing games...preserved army of corpses...Haruno-san out" to Sasori. Wait...did he just say 'Haruno-san' just now?

"Excuse me! Coming through! Oh for the love of—just get out of the way dude! What's wrong with you?!" and I was blindly pushing past anyone who happen to have the misfortune of being in my path. I show no mercy to anyone who stands in the way of my meeting with Kura-chan! P.S, just so you know, I'm no lesbian, I just happen to have higher respect for women. Why? Because women rock that's why. And don't you dare deny it!

Before I could even attempt to climb the tree they were all on, Hiruko fell _right in front _of me! I should probably thank Gaara for making my job easier for me but—"Oh man dude! Any second later and that _thing_ could have squashed me like a bug!" and with the loud thud I heard when Hiruko landed on the ground, I'm guessing that that creepy mask of a shield it had on its back was just as fixed as the rest of the body. I took off the Akatsuki cloak that it wore and true enough, there, right on Hiruko's back, was the shield(that Sakura destroyed) in all of its creepy glory. Once again, I applaud Sasori's fixing skills. Sadly, I do not have the sufficient strength to destroy this thing so I did the most reasonable thing to do in these type of situations.

"What the fuck kid?! Where did you pull out that shit?!"

I looked at the said "shit", which just happened to be a pretty large jack hammer, then turned to Hidan, "I don't know, it was the first thing I could get my hands on. So this is what it feels like to randomly grab something..." I said, muttering the last sentence to myself and raised the random jack hammer, ready to strike and—

"Just what do you think you're doing, brat?"

Looking up from the person who said those words, I gave the puppet bot the sourest face I could muster—I must have looked like the epitome of ridiculousness because I heard Deidara snort and covered his mouth with the back of his hands in an effort to suppress the laugh that was threatening to come out—before I answered, "I'm trying to open this thing since I'm more than sure that _you_ wouldn't even make the tiniest effort to be nice and open it for me."

…It opened...

"...Well, bull. You did that on purpose!"

He..._snorted_ at me! I really have no luck when it comes to meeting guys...it happens all the time... Anyways, I took a little peek inside and—"OH MY _**GAS –**_are you alright in there?! Let me get you out!" I sound like a mom but right now, ** ?!**

I snapped my head to the red-haired missing-nin, "The rational and feminist side of my brain is telling me to crush you genitals into something similar to either shish kebab or chopped liver," I put one hand on the side of my lips to shield it from view of others while my other hand closed the lid of the opening on Hiruko's back to avoid being heard by the now frantic woman inside, "but the diehard fan within me is humping of joy and squealing like a pig being slaughtered out of sheer happiness of due to the fanservice I have been given the pleasure of seeing," I whispered.

"The kid's bipolar beyond belief..." I heard Kisame say. Oh I will get you for that later sharky. Somehow...

Opening the lid once again, I carried (yes, carried. Carrying my mom is a habit of mine and believe me when I say that my mother in her currently late thirties age((she had me early...)) is _waaaaaaaaay_ heavier than Sakura in her 16 year-old self) her out with a little difficulty, seeing as she's not exactly in a position that can easily be controlled. You know those bondage thingies you see on deviantart? The naughty ones? Yeah, that's how she looks like right now.

"I had a feeling that Sasori had a bondage fetish... I just never thought that it was actually true..." I didn't realize that I actually said that out loud until I heard Hidan and Deidara fall from their place up on the tree and laugh like mad men. I was a little disappointed to see Kisame laugh like there was no tomorrow but still manage to stay safe on the tree. Bummer... Guess I'll have to find another way to get revenge. I was surprised to see that Konan was too calm, but that was until I noticed that Pein was covering her ears and carrot top over there was twitching like he was electrocuted or something. Gaara's face was blank but the wildly swirling sand around us denies his calm demeanor. The other red head from Sunagakure...actually looked very proud of himself! The nerve! Itachi, Madara and Kakuzu looked like their faces were forever stuck in the "default" setting but the clenching and unclenching of Madara's fists tell me a different story altogether.

_'Old men...'_ I swear, if I had the ability to sweat drop believe me, I would.

"Uwaaaaaaaaah! Sasori-senpai is a pervy boy! BAD!" Oh, I completely forgot about this one. Man, _why_ can't he stay cute like that forever?!

"Tobi shut **the fuck** up or else **I'll eat you alive...**_**whole**_,"...and that one too. Talk about perfect camouflage in a tree.

I pinched my nose in frustration, a habit I grew up with after finding out from my aunt that pinching the bridge of your nose and turning it red is cancerous. I opened my bag and took out my handy dandy cutter—why I bring that to school, I'm sure you don't want to find out—and began cutting off the ropes, careful not to get carried away like the last time I got my hand on a cutter...

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_**Flashback: (My 2nd year true high school experience)**_

_I was working on my TLE project, a Christmas basket. Unfortunately, one of the wood was a bit too thick to fit in any of the holes so I did the natural thing to do: make it thinner. I distinctly recall our teacher repeating the same words over and over again, "Be careful when you use your cutters."_

_Funny thing is, I keep on replaying her words in my head when my cutter suddenly stopped its movements and I looked at it to see a huge chunk of wood stopping it. Frowning like heck, I exerted force. But it seems that I have forgotten the reason why most of the labor involving strength was passed on to me at some point during my quest to remove the chunk of wood, because not only did I cut off the chunk, it was divided in two...and it ended up cutting a rather wound on my pointy finger because of that. _

_**End Flashback...**_

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Man, I still remember how everyone(boys, girls and the teacher) freaked out when they saw my madly bleeding finger and there I was, laughing for all I was worth. If I remember correctly, I even opened the wound a little more and I saw something white thought I'm not really sure what exactly it was. Whatever it was, it made me laugh even more and one of my classmates looked like she was about to faint. That wound actually scared.

I heard some muffled screams and then I remembered Sakura, "My attention span is starting to get worse than it already is..."

Once I finally removed the mouth gauge—muttering "how kinky" as I did so—all hell broke lose for the second time that day.

Sakura snapped her head up to face Sasori, "What the bloody hell is wrong with you?! When we finally have a one-on-one rematch, I expect you to fight me, not tie me up like a pig, you creep!" then she turned to me and smiled, "Thanks."

"Hahahahaha, no problem! Girls help each other when in need!" came my reply but what I really wanted to say was "Oh you wouldn't be thanking me if you found out what I was thinking about before all of this craziness happened."

I took out the foods I just bought and looked at Kura-chan, "Would you like some lunch? I'm pretty sure you haven't eaten anything yet. You too Miss Konan!"

"Hey! That's fucking unfair! What about us?!"

I scowled at him, "Because I'm biased with my gender and I don't like your way of talking. I should make you drink a gallon of holy water!"

Ignoring whatever answer he threw at me, I grabbed Kura-chan's hand and dragged her away with me, Konan not far behind.

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It was a tiring day(apparently, despite the mishap theses guys brought, classes resumed...) and for once, I wasn't tired because of school work. I turned into a walking dead due to extreme fatigue of trying to keep the school in one piece. I should have known never to leave Deidara unattended when there's a lab full of chemicals. Things end up in a disaster. The others I can count to behave, but... I massaged my temples once again as I headed to the bus stop, not really caring as long as Kura-chan and Konan follow me. These guys can sleep in the streets for all I care, it's not like they haven't done it before. No offense male population.

"So, where exactly do you live?" Kura-chan asked me.

"In a different city from here. Travel time is 2 hours at best, heaven knows how long at worse," was my answer, awe fudge I sound like a zombie! Oh man... I'm getting infected with the main college disease. I'm doomed.

"What the hell, yeah?! That's too long! Sasori-no-danna is cranky when he waits! And what the hell is a bus anyway, un?"

"That," and I pointed at a bus that just passed by.

"Fuck! We sit there for five minutes and Danna's gonna chew my ass for the whole trip, un! He's like a pregnant woman whose been denied of her cravings, yeah!"

And attack goes Hiruko's tail. Huh, can't say it wasn't expected. Nobody seemed surprised either. I raised my hands up in a surrendering manner, "Hey, hey. It's not like I wanted it to be that long. Unless you guys want to travel on foot that is."

The look they exchanged(except Sakura and Gaara) with each other told me everything I needed to know.

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"Man, I could do this everyday! And it's faster too!" and I laughed as Sakura jumped from building to building, leading the way with me on her back. I always did love piggy-back rides, especially when I'm the one doing the carrying. But riding can be fun too as long as the one carrying you doesn't have weak bones and won't drop you when you least expect it. "Oh! There's my home right there!"

We landed on the backyard and—"**HOLY SHIT!**"

… I forgot about our 5 dogs and 1 puppy. Ear-shattering barks chorused as the dogs—and puppy—all went to out direction—or rather, charged at us with bared sharp teeth and claws.

"What the hell, un?! You could have warned us you had these demon pets, yeah!"

"Sorry, I forgot! Padfoot! Sky! Lucky! Pochi! Magi! Chisai! Back in your cages boys, girls!"

"Seriously, you need to fucking control those damned mutts."

I made a face at him, "They're trained to attack anyone they don't know who comes too close for comfort to our house. You can't really trust a lot of people nowadays," after they all went inside the house, I let my babies out of their cages, "There, there my babies, don't worry, they won't hurt any of you. But promise me this, when you see the guy who has silver hair and another guy that looks like a shark, bite them in the buttocks for me, will you?" they barked once in reply and I went inside the house.

"Grandma! Gramps! I'm home!"

No answer...that's weird, I would usually be interrogated the very second I come within sight. Yup, that's my family for you. I can still recall not being allowed to go to the mall unless I have family and girl friends with me. And I only did that for hmmmm, four times. And it's still going on right now... Yeah, my life is laughable, please don't rub it in my face.

"Heh, my family must have been sent to your world in your stead. But that's impossible. If they were, then my brothers would be leaping to high heavens due to extreme joy."

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_**Somewhere...**_

"Big sister will be so happy once she gets here! Don't you think, big brother Jared?"

"Yup, she will! Then she'll be trying to learn some mad ninja moves and—hey! Julianne! Jenna! Get down from there!"

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_**Back to me...**_

Oh, they'll be so happy if they were.

"Is this you and your family?"

I turned to Konan and Sakura, and turned to the numerous pictures on the wall. It was a picture of me and my family. There was my grandmother, gramps, my aunt, her husband, their daughter, my uncle, his wife, their two sons, my other aunts, my mom, my dad, my two younger brothers, my two younger sisters and then there's me. And this was just my mom's side of the family.

"Yeah, just my mom's side of the family though."

Hidan looked closely at the pictures, "There where the fuck are you, bitch?"

"That one."

They all looked at what I pointed out in the picture(yes, when I say everyone, I mean _everyone_) then turned to me, then back again.

"ARGH! I hate you guys! Except for Sakura and Konan though..." and I sulked in the dining table because the emo corner is so over-rated and used.

"Okay, where do we sleep now?"

…Man, I forgot about that!

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**girlpoweFTW: Well, that's that for now! Please review and leave comments and suggestions for me...do you guys wanna see the picture? O_O**

**Tobi: Oh, don't mind her please! Tobi thinks she thinks she's ugly so she hasn't recovered for it. Read and Review please! ...Can Tobi have a cookie now?**


	3. Disaster II Part I

**Hola people! Here's Disaster II part I! Next chapter would be Sasori's point of view and someone else you want! Choose in the poll in my profile!**

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**Disaster II Part I:**

_**Sleeping Arrangements Lead to Sleepless Nights**_

I closed my eyes and tried to think of a solution for my current dilemma; who should stay with who without both trying to kill each other whenever the chance presented itself? As long as it isn't Sakura, Konan and Itachi, I don't really care much if these men try to kill each other. What I'm really concerned about is keeping the house in one piece with nothing broken so my grandma wouldn't render my ears useless. The ability to hear is very useful and I would like to keep that ability, thank you very much. So anyways, back to the real problem. Itachi, Pein, Konan and Marada (although I'm starting to doubt this one by the second…) are the ones I'm pretty sure I would have no problem with; civilized people they were, bless their souls. The others, on the other hand, I have _every_ reason to worry my wits out. Let me enumerate the reasons for each and every one of them now okay?

First of all, there's Deidara. It's pretty self-explanatory; the guy's a walking bomb! **Literally!** I have every right to be afraid of my home's stability with this guy around the vicinity! Mr. Suicide bomber's gonna blow up everything he could whenever he feels up for it and I doubt he would care. Heck, I bet he'd be more than happy to blow my home up!

Second, there was Hidan. Ooooooh Hidan. I could see the future now: cops surrounding my the house, heavily armed and demanding that I let them in as they showed a warrant for inspection to search my house since apparently, I have someone they want to arrest due to multiple cases for homicide; then there's me gaping like a goldfish and unable to react due to the sheer shock of it all and it doesn't really help that there were even international reporters in the scene. Not to mention that the only time this house would ever be quiet is when he and Deidara were asleep(and even that is doubtful…), or when he's praying or when he's not even around…

Third, there's Kisame and Kakuzu, the two human towers of Akatsuki. Now normally I would have nothing to worry about them…unless they got angry that is. Though I'm sure I'll steer clear from being the receiving end of their glares(although Kakuzu seems like he has that frown glued to his face), pissing off people twice ot maybe even three times my size in terms of height and muscles is like asking to get run over by a monster truck, the only way to avoid getting hit is by going underneath(honestly, those two are so darn tall that if I look up just to talk to them, I'd end up having a pretty painful stiff neck…)

Then there was Tobi. I'm pretty sure that he's act like the pre-madman Tobi(at least, not in the highest level of madmaness) seeing as there are so many people (mainly Itachi) around for him to unleash his inner Obitoness. And that reminds me… "Can Tobi be a good boy while he's here? I like Tobi as a good boy better than real Tobi." I got a few "what do you mean by real Tobi?" looks from Sasori, Deidara, Hidan and Kakuzu. Ah that's right, they died before they got to know the truth. And from the body language that Tobi was giving me(curse that lollipop mask of his), he needs more convincing. And so, I shall unleash my secret weapon, "I'll give you brownies."

"YAY! BROWNIES! Tobi will be the goodest boy in the world! **BROOOOWNIIIIIIESSSSS!**" Dear heavens, now I wish I could take that one back and seriously, "goodest"? … Then again, better this than his "guy get friend-zoned, world domination it is" mode. I had enough of that in the manga already.

Then comes Sasori and Zetsu…aaaaah, here comes m foresight again… Copse have once again surrounded my home, still the same scenario except this time, they're demanding that I explain why there were piles of dead bodies, with some even missing a specific body part*shudders*, found directly underneath the house. I could already see the color drain from my face as I start either dissolving or crumbling into nothingness…

Gaara's not much trouble, bless his inner pandaness(…what?!)…but seeing how he reacted when Sasori had Sakura captive, I wouldn't want to take any risks. Apparently, Shukaku has taught the guy a thing or two about possessiveness, why am I not surprised? The look on his face screamed bloody murder that time, like the way a male would be when his mate is being stolen from him. But maybe that's just me talking under the heavy influence of the tons of Gaara x Sakura fanfictions that I've happily indulged myself into… Yeah maybe that's just it.

And last but not least, there's Sakura…forget what I said about the others earlier, my house is officially as good as piles of rubble… I'm doomed! Even just a flick of her pinky can destroy more than half of the house if not the whole! And it really doesn't help that she has the worst temper and the most unreasonable among these people when angry. I need help from high above now… This house is gonna need all the support it can get or I'm as good as toast.

* * *

"Okay, so all in all, there are five free rooms in the house. Three of those rooms can fit three people so yeah. This is no hotel or inn so you guys get to sleep beside each other and no complaining unless you want to sleep in the couch over there in the living room or with the dogs outside." I quickly said, immediately stopping any complaints that I knew were about to come.

"Kid, do you even realize just how wrong it is for two or, even worse, three men to sleep together in one room, let alone in the same bed?"

"Yes Kisame, I'm aware of how awkward that would be. But it's either that or the other two options that I gave you. Oh wait, there's always the floor option. I forgot to mention that there are four extra mattresses on one of the rooms. You can use that, any more problems?" No complaints were heard. Alrighty then, "Since I can't figure out who you guys want to stay with without ending up trying to kill each other in the dead of the night, you guys choose your roomies. BUT! But, Sakura and Konan stay in one room far away from you guys. I can't take any risks." I smiled as the two women gave me a small smile in gratitude. Aaaah, they're so cute. Women are so cute, way better than any man in the world, (please do not take my feminism to heart!) specially these two tenshi(angel) with me! Hinata is missing though… But I can finally die happy….someday, not now of course, I still have some things I need to do in my pathetic existence.

And so here's how it went: there was Konan with Sakura; Sasori, Deidara and Itachi (I protested but Sasori assured me that he will shove Hiruko's tail up Deidara's ass should he do something insane); Kisame and Kakuzu; Pein, Madara and Tobi; and Hidan got a room all to himself. It seems that nobody wants to stay in one place with him and watch while he prays. I know I wouldn't…heaven knows what he does. And Gaara didn't want a room since he couldn't sleep. Poor guy, and here I thought that with Shukaku no longer sealed in him, he could actually feel what it's like to _really_ rest. Cursing my soft heart a little, I turned to the insomniac red head, "If ever you feel the need to rest, you can stay with Sakura and Konan in their room. I'm pretty sure that at least _you_ wouldn't try anything."

"Hey! That's not fair, un!"

"Blondie's right! Why the fuck does that little bastard get to stay with the bitches and we, full fucking grown men, can't?!"

Sakura and Konan looked like they wanted to strangle the silver haired man with a belt that was lying innocently on the chair; Konan was at least trying to put an effort to hide her murderous intent though. Sigh, trust Hidan to be a total natural at pissing women off without even trying. This is gonna be one hell of a long stay alright. I don't think I'll stay sane for very long with these guys…

"So…now what? Don't tell me we're just gonna stand here and do nothing!"

"Don't worry Kisame, there are a lot of things that you can do to pass time in this world."

* * *

"Awe come on, what the fuck was that man?! How blind can these assholes be?! How the fuck is shooting a fucking ball in a circle with nets be goddamned hard?! Are these jackasses from this world mother fucking blind or something?!"

"Damn it Hidan! Just shut up and watch, un! Nobody wants to hear your bitching, yeah!"

"Will you both just shut up?!"

Once again, Hidan, Deidara and Kisame started bickering about shutting up. Apparently, introducing television and basketball to these guys wasn't as good an idea as I thought it would be. And then it hit me, "You guys wait right here! I'm gonna show you something!" and up I went to go fetch one of my CD's. When I got back, I immediately put it in the DVD player, and since there was a last memory thingy in this player, the scene that popped out and greeted us was—there, in the large TV screen, was Hidan, screaming at Kakuzu for not doing "shit" in all of his beheaded glory.

Sakura was laughing like there was no tomorrow; Deidara, Kisame and Tobi were on the floor laughing hysterically; the "cool" people of the group all either smirking or had their lips curved up in the slightest, their equivalent of what the three currently rolling on the floor were doing.

"**WHAT THE FUCK?!** Who the hell fucking caught this on camera?!" Hidan screamed as he pointed at the screen that showed his severed head.

"I told you I watch you guys try and kill each other on a daily basis of the purpose of entertainment. I meant that literally." I shrugged.

"Goddamn it! This is fucking ridiculous! Again, who the fuck took this?!"

"Man, calm down. It could have been worse, you know. Tell me, would you rather have you **other** head cut off instead?" Sakura asked with a raised eyebrow.

Deidara whistled, "Pinky's got a point. Better you head up north than your head down south. Even if Kakuzu were to stitch it—"

"I am **not** going anywhere near Hidan's dick. Who knows where that shit has been."

"Yeah, like fuck I'm letting stitch-face here anywhere near my baby. And hey! What the fucking hell was that last sentence supposed to mean you motherfucker?!"

…These guys can't seriously be talking about their...little soldiers…like it was yesterday's news right? RIGHT?!

"Will you all stop talking about your genitals? You're scaring the poor child over there," Konan said from across me. Bless her soul, the kind woman.

"What about her?" Deidara pointing his thumb at Sakura, who was sitting on the couch beside Gaara (no surprise there, they only have each other as allies against these psychos–although I'm pretty sure that Itachi would be on their side), "you don't see her acting like a virgin."

If looks could kill, Deidara would be reduced into nothing but a pile of ash with the glare Sakura sent his way, "Listen here she-male, the reason why I'm completely indifferent to the male anatomy is only because I was trained by the fifth Hokage herself in the medical fields. When doing my job, there are times when I must see the entirety of the male body for I know that what I do is purely professional and there in nothing perverse about it seeing that any intimate interaction with a patient is taboo for medics as long as they are in the field of work. And it also doesn't mean that I enjoy what I see. On contraire to what you said—or rather, what you _implied_ on what you said, I am still purely untouched and still retain that one innocence in me when all the other categories of innocence have been tainted by the blood soaked living of a kunoichi."

My eyes were blinking repeatedly after the first ten seconds when she finished her speech before I turned my head to Itachi (the smartest one of the bunch), "I lost track after she said medical fields, can you translate that in English please?"

The weasel just shrugged his shoulder, "You should understand what she's saying more than anyone of us aside from Konan. After all, men can't really understand the language of women fully."

I sighed, I can't disagree with that one, and there are times when I can't even understand myself. Then it hit me, "Erm guys? Since practically no one in my family seems to be want to have their presence known at the moment…how are we going to earn some cash? I _am_ underage and all."

Awkward silence currently on the go...

"Yet another gay baby has come in our world of the living…" I muttered.

"OH FUCK NO!"

"She has a point. Looking for another place in the time being means paying, and that is _**not**_ an option," I salute your thriftiness Kakuzu, "—we have to do something that would at least earn us some money."

Before Hidan could even open his mouth, I turned to him and gave him a sour look, "No Hidan you guys are **not** robbing any banks. My family happens to be saving some money on different banks so that is not an option."

"Well…Fuck."

That's when Sakura finally joined our conversation (thankfully, I doubted that the other geniuses of this group would even talk, ice-cubes and all…), "Seeing as you have Sasori and Deidara here, you might as well make good use of their artistic talents… So as long as they don't explode in random moments or are made up of dead people that is."

Gaara nodded his head in agreement, "It appears that sculptures are quite expensive in this world, not to mention that puppets in their simplest form costs more than some sculptures." Oh, the anthropometric doll of mine. Yeah, that thing is pretty darn expensive…

"The children have a point. And on the way here, I _did_ see some posters of wanted criminals that have quite a large amount mounted on their heads," thank you for the suggestion Madara, although calling them children really says a lot of things about your age… That reminds me, I need to know how people aren't trying to kill you yet. I'll ask later though.

And before I knew it, scary green eyes were staring directly at mine in an alarming distance, "Give me the list of world-wide wanted criminals." I didn't realize that he was actually crouching down to hold my gaze until he actually stood up his full height. If he was trying to intimidate me into doing what he wants then I must say…it's working. I suddenly feel incredibly small—err I mean _tiny_. I'm only as tall as Sakura (I think?) you know! Feeling that I will most likely end up having a stiff neck if I keep on looking up at him, I squeaked a small "Okay" before turning away, how come I just realized that the wall is very pretty? Then again I shouldn't complain, Kisame could have been worse.

"Hey, Rag doll! Leave the kid alone! Why don't you pick on somebody your own size!"

Kura-chan, I officially love you to death now. Although I don't think you should be the one saying that because you're not exactly taller than me and I'm pretty sure that someone here is bound to—

"Erm, Pinky? I don't think you should be saying that to someone who's probably about twice your size," thank you Kisame, my point exactly.

"Don't judge her by her size Kisame-san, if a punch from her can scatter my puppet body parts in all directions then I don't want to see what she can do to your face," Sasori said like it was the most normal thing in the world. Kisame seemed to turn a lighter shade of blue though over where I stand. Okay, I need to do something about the tension.

"Hey guys, anyone want to see the Sasori and Sakura fight? I think we're done ridiculing Hidan for now."

"Fuck you, bitch!"

"Me, yeah! I wanna see how danna got his ass kicked by a little girl, un! With pink hair!"

"Hey! You can't call me little girl when you're only three years older than me! And puppet boy, put that damn tail down!"

* * *

It was when Sasori had Sakura trapped in those multiple hand thingy that Hidan broke the silence of our "movie" marathon.

"That…is so _kinky_ you asshat! You should have invited me, you fucker!"

"Hidan, shut up, un! I'm trying to watch here, yeah!"

"Shut the fuck up Blondie!"

* * *

Once again, when the next episode rolled, the silence was broken, but this time it was Deidara.

"Hahahaha! The crazy kid (I resent that!) was right, yeah! Danna _does_ have a bondage fetish! Never thought he actually had it in him though, I thought wood got no feelings, un. Then again, he _is __**wood**_."

**CRASH!**

"Sasori, please refrain from damaging any property in the house. I don't want any additions in our daily expenses."

"Typical fucking cheapskate…"

I sighed, guess housing crazy anime characters with poor childhood has its ups and downs… Maybe now isn't the time to introduce the current ruler of the world (a.k.a. internet, like it or not it's true) just yet, things might end up messier than it already is. And so, getting up from my seat—with difficulty mind you, seeing as I was squished between Kisame and Kakuzu (those two are pure _muscle_!)—and headed to the stairs, "I don't know about you guys, but I need to sleep and rest now. You already know where your designated (wow, I used a big word!) rooms are, just go there when you feel like sleeping already. Oh and Kakuzu, the longer you use the TV, the higher the electricity bill gets, televisions use up quite a lot of electricity you know."

And the last thing I heard was the chorus of groans when I heard the sound coming from the television suddenly went off.

* * *

As usual, I woke up at 5:00AM like I always do—regardless of when there's a class the next day or not, I guess my body got accustomed to it. When I opened the door to get out, I met…a pillow?! And it was thrown hard, mind you!

"My apologies, I didn't mean to," I heard someone say, I'm guessing that was Konan. After all, my head is still connected to my neck and the pillow is still recognizable. Had it been Sakura who threw it, I would probably be with my ancestors right now.

"_Why_ did you just throw that thing at me like I was Hidan watching you bath or something?" I asked as I rubbed my soon-to-be sore nose, it surprisingly hurts a lot you know! I feel dizzy, it was a clean head-shot…my nose…

"Because it really could have been Hidan, you know. The guy made so many attempts to come in here that I didn't even bother keeping count after the twentieth attempt. And if you don't mind me asking…_**why**_ did you just sleep in the balcony—better yet, why is there even a _bed_ in there?"

"Because, Sakura, gramps thought it was a good idea. And I must admit that this is by far one of the best he had in the many streaks of good ideas he has in that head of his. It's really cool out there and you don't even have to worry since it's barred," that being said, I headed towards my original destination: the bathroom. Of course I would choose the bathroom on the second floor though. Why? Because while there's a shower downstairs, the bathroom on the second floor has a _heater_—I can't take my morning baths with cold water; I'm a goat, yes, I know. But you can't take my baths away from me, I'll die. Even when it's freezing cold, a bath is a must!

* * *

Here comes the most crucial part of the day: asking for allowance. And believe me when I say that asking for some money was nerve-wreaking. "What would you need it for?" was his blunt question.

And so I enumerated every reason there is, "Well, first of all, I need it for transportation. Riding a bus isn't for free you know. Another reason is food. Starving to death isn't how I plan on dying, there are a lot of things I want to do in life thank you very much. And believe me when I say that I have a bottomless pit for a stomach."

It took him a minute to come up with an answer to cover the expenses, "Sakura will take you to your destinations since you seem to be so fond of her already. And we have someone make you homemade lunch delivered for you later, and don't worry, Deidara and Hidan won't be the ones preparing your food. You're no good to be dead. Does that answer everything for you?"

…The things this guy does for money… there would simply be no way a business could go bankrupt if this guy's one of the treasurer. I'm even sure he can keep it running singlehandedly for years with no problems at all.

That aside, I waited for Sakura to get ready before we head out. I forbid anyone I know to leave the house without taking a bath. And I quote Sakura and Konan when Hidan asked why anyone of the guys would follow my 'stupid' rule, "If you don't care that reek then that's fine by use but at least think about the people who could smell you." To which Hidan replied a "who the fuck cares about what they think?!" I knew some men are just plain hopeless… I just knew it… Are all men this carefree? Please tell me no, otherwise my plan of becoming a nun if I can't find a good guy might actually be realized.

I was snapped out of my train of thoughts when I felt a hand pat my shoulder, "Let's go, or else you'll be late for school," I resisted the very powerful urge to tell the pink-haired medic that she sounded like a mother, I had a very strong feeling things won't end up well with saying that. Before we left, I went to Konan, holding both her hands in my own in a pleading manner, "Please don't let them destroy my home. If worse comes to worse, tell Kakuzu that this whole place costs _millions_, and that's just the land actually."

She gave me a nod in response and I released her hand, not at all feeling safe with the way Pein's ringed eyes seem to be planning my demise in the most painful way. Okay, I still feel like I'm forgetting somethi—Ayiiii! That's it! Mustering the loudest (but reasonably so) voice I could without sounding too much like a mother, "Gaara! There are some cookies in the fridge! Get some if no one can create anything edible and share some with Sakura and Konan!" And I'm off, and I could hear some complaints but I ignored them, Konan can handle them.

* * *

In school…

I tapped my four fingers on my desk slowly, my back leaned on the chair, looking bored out of my wits but don't be fooled, this is how I am when I'm nervous or mentally freaking out and I can't do so openly. If you had a group of professional mass murderers in your house along with a guy who used to one himself and a girl who most likely has anger management issues then you would understand that I have every right to be scared.

* * *

**And that's a wrap! Stay tuned for Sasori's POV and whoever you want in the next chapter!**

**Read and Review please!**


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